[ad_1]
“Ilooking for a man in finance,” goes the viral TikTok song of the summer. And that doesn’t mean my version – standing in the only bank branch for miles that hasn’t turned into a Costa, looking for someone, anyone, with a lanyard, a tablet and a ready attitude to solve my direct debit problem. “Trust Fund, 6’5″, blue eyes,” continues the hook. If you haven’t heard it yet, click with caution: it’s a weaponized earworm.
It was originally a joke – its creator, Megan Bonney (@GirlonCouch)said Today.com she mocked women who complain about being single while having absurd non-negotiables in a prospective partner. But it has become, among other things, a (probably) heartfelt anthem for girls who genuinely want to date private equity giants in quilted vests.
Because apparently it’s a trend: influencers encourage young women to date rich people, let themselves be taken care of by a “provider” and embrace the “soft life” (pursuing hobbies, travel, self-care, nice home) without financial responsibilities. New York magazine recently featured someinclusive self-described “spoiled girl” matchmaker and a YouTube guru whose dating advice focuses on marrying for money, not love. That scraping noise you hear behind the pounding rhythm of a finance person is Pankhurst turning in their graves; a vein on my eyelid throbbed.
But wait: is it really serious? TikTok and Gen Z memes can be a confusing milieu of irony, absurdity, and self-referential, satirical silliness. “If you can’t tell it’s a joke, that’s your problem,” as one “vendor” influencer put it. I’ve watched tons of stuff about a guy in finance and there’s some good, fun stuff: I liked the Royal Horticultural Society Green thumb, garden shears, shears version. involving a game if confused, an older man trims a hedge and has gilet-ed fun flashmob in Liverpool Street, London. But I think there is more to it; after all, a joke doesn’t work unless it skewers something recognizable.
So: what? Here it is longing for the “soft life” for starters. When work is exhausting, unstable and unsatisfying, you can understand why you might not want to bother; not needing a job at all might be the logical next step after that “lazy girl’s work”. Even before I became a finance guy, my social media often showed me the girlfriends of rich men who didn’t need a job, filming their travel itineraries and luxury shopping sprees. I don’t think they post in a spirit of mockery and I don’t think it’s consumed satirically. Showing off or chasing obvious wealth isn’t as taboo as it used to be (perhaps thanks to the safety net of plausible deniability on social media: you can tell it’s a joke the offended viewer is too dark to understand). Vogue’s claim that “financial bros are experiencing a renaissance” makes me sick, but it’s understandable in a time of deep upheaval that financial stability is on people’s partner wish lists.
Then New York magazine also investigated the dark “nightmare” of dating for young women: men who crave conquest rather than connection, violence-inspired porn sex that ignores women’s pleasure, and a hostile, contemptuous attitude forged in, or at least influenced by, the men’s rights movement. Women’s frustration is real (see also dating app backlash Bumble’s jokey anti-celibacy ads – some are not “looking for a man” at all). You can see that this can foster a cynical, even venal kind of nihilism in relationships – if not in reality, at least in what you post or consume in the hyperbolic arena of social media.
But wow, how dark. For starters, it feeds the manosphere’s darkest, most harmful ideas about women as shallow gold-diggers who crave “alpha.” Then the life of the kept woman in financial dependence, even consciously chosen, feels so retrograde, so vulnerable and anxious. How could anyone find time to stash pin money or build a runaway wish fund? All those hard-won rights to property, to inheritance, to equal pay, the ongoing fight to close the gender pay gap exchanged for a powerless soft life? The vein in my eyelid is throbbing again. I should probably just lighten up and enjoy the memes, but the joke just doesn’t seem very funny to me.
[ad_2]
